Hiya Jamie!!! It seems like there is a bit of text missing between page 1 & 2. It goes from "and ate" to "Then he saw"...
No text missing; I checked twice myself when taking these pics; BAD GRAMMAR is all, with a 'poor ending' assessed by the Teacher.
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Hi!! (I deleted my original response due to bad grammar that I failed to catch) Your overall grammar seems fine, maybe that transition from page 1 to page 2 (asking for, or getting up to fetch another piece of paper) is what made you loose your train of thought.
That lousy teacher! What's wrong with them?! Way to make a kid feel terrible. I wish I was within slapping distance of this teacher's face.